


Classic Blue

by Novadikneedz2no



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: A BUNCH OF CHARACTERS SUDDENLY JOIN, Blue is a naughty boi, Caught, Classic x Blue, Classicberry - Freeform, Dry Humping, Ecto-Genitalia (Undertale), Ecto-Penis (Undertale), Ecto-Tongue (Undertale), Ecto-Vagina (Undertale), Ectobiology, Face-Fucking, He's on a pillow lads, IDK what else to tell you, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Overstimulation, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Sans is called Classic, Semi-Public Sex, Swap Sans is called Blue, The d literally glows yes, The tiniest splash of, This is still a one off so im not mentioning them unless i end up doing something with them, Underfell Papyrus (Undertale), Underfell Sans (Undertale), Underswap Papyrus (Undertale), Underswap Sans (Undertale), foodplay, hehe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:40:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24169753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Novadikneedz2no/pseuds/Novadikneedz2no
Summary: Red lost a thing and then Blue was naughty and Classic has funAlternate titles:Aftermath of idiocyYou're thirsty-er than you think
Relationships: Sans/Sans (Undertale)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 133





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Madkittykhat](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Madkittykhat).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on art. Again >83  
> Dub con tag cuz a dick gets asked for consent and gives it but it's still a dick ok XD
> 
> For whatever reason madkittykhat on Twitter your art set of my thirst meter so I hope this finds you in a good place and brings you to a better one?? Idk my g I hope you like XD

**"This Is A Bad Idea."**

Blue ignored his own warning as he stared at the glowing tool in his hands. He hadn't really been thinking when he'd swiped it from Red's floor; the silly thing had probably dropped it in his haste to try and get away but the Magnificent Blue was an Expert Capturer! 

Who'd stashed his friend's _dildo_ into his _inventory_...  
_Hmm..._

 _ANYWAY_ he admired the dildo a lot; a short, thick looking thing, glowing a vibrant darkish blue. It looked like a dick shaped sweet and Blue really, _really_ , wanted to taste it. The warm hum of magic warns him that this is probably an ecto dick, ergo, some unfortunate Soul's Actual Dick. The longer he stared and shifted underneath his bed covers the hotter his body started to become. 

He really was no better than his sharp toothed counterpart. He thought about returning the dang thing when a possessive twang in his soul stopped that and _demanded_ to have some _fun_ first. Frustrated and guilty he shoved it back into his inventory and rolled around in his bed, trying to dissipate the magic trying to gather in his pelvis.

*

Downstairs, Sans' conversation with Stretch is cut off by a full body shiver as his dick gets shoved into someone's inventory again. Damn he was going to kill/wreck Red for this. Thankfully no one could see it twitch as he half felt the burning gaze of some horny monster on his missing member for ages before getting randomly shoved back into an inventory slot before they got going. 

"Classic, you good?"

"yea, just distracted soz." 

Stretch smirks at him.

"I'no the feeling."

Sans raises a brow at him.

"Red's started _toying_ with ya hasn't he?"

"guess you could say that."

"-Yea. Knowing you could get fuked at anytime is pretty hot. Plus all the teasing... _Mmph, Nice._ " 

Sans' eyelights shrink and he starts going blue in the face.

"Lol, don't tell blue but we've tried it together so all I can say my dude is good luck. I'm off to Muffets, wanna _come?_ " 

"nah I'm good." 

Sans facepalms and grins in a mixture of embarrassment and amusement, making shooing motions at the laughing lanky skeleton as he strolls out the door. A few moments pass in blue cheeked silence before a slam makes him jump and the rush of feet signifying Blue entering the kitchen. 

" **CLASSIC**! SO GOOD TO SEE YOU!" 

Sans tolerates the bear hug.

"you too buddy. what's down?" 

"WELL I- WAIT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN DOWN? THERE'S NOTHI-" 

Blue gets booped on the nose hole.

"eyes up it's just the floor." 

"OH MY STARS _WHY?!?_ " 

Sans just laughs as him. 

They have some more of this back and forth ( ~~without anymore pranks thankfully~~ ) and Blie manages to get Sans to eat his latest taco creation ( ~~made with 90% edible ingredients this time! He's improving!~~ ) before Sans leaves with a leaf pun trailing behind him much to Blue's immediate frustration. 

Blue huffs as he cleans up. When would those two learn better more engaging puns?! Ugh.

However thinking of Red reminds him of the naughty little secret sitting in his personal inventory.

An Angel and Devil appear at his shoulders. 

A) "We- We should return it." 

D) "AND HAVE NO FUN?" 

A)"This Isn't About That!" 

D) "BUT BRUH WE WILL SO REGRET NOT USING THAT COCK!"

A) "WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO _VULGAR!?"_

D) "WELL WE'RE GOSH DARN THIRSTY RIGHT NOW SO SHUSH YOU IMP!"

A) _"*GASP*"_

D) " _ANYWAY_ , AS I WAS SAYING WE WON'T GET A CHANCE LIKE THIS AGAIN."

A) "But AGAIN Isn't This Sorta...Violating?" 

D) "-LET ME GET TO MY POINT, _PLEASE_." 

The Angel pouts.

D) " _THANK YOU._ WE CAN ASK THE DICK FOR PERMISSION." 

A) "And How Would We Do That?" 

D) "ON THE BASE ASSUMPTION OF THIS OBVIOUSLY BEING AN _ECTO_ DICK THEY WOULD BE ABLE TO FEEL WORDS WRITTEN ON THEM-"

"But then how-?" Blue starts to ask

A) "-No Wait I Think He's Got Something." Says the angel Blue.

D) "SO THEY CAN PROBABLY TWITCH OR GLOW IN RESPONSE TO A QUESTION. THEN IF THEY SAY NO WE DROP IT." 

"That's so far fetched what-" 

A)"I Think He's Got A Point." 

"OH STARS ABOVE, _REALLY_??" Blue waves his hands around his shoulders to dissipate his little selves and marches to his room.

"BROTHER WON'T BE BACK TILL LATE~ **♡** " Devil Blue whispers before he disappears completely.

Blue goes blue in the face as he recognizes his loss and the crazy decision he's just made, glowing brighter than the dick he brings out in the dark under his covers again.

He gently traces the first word.

**"H E L L O."**

*

Sans bolts upright on his stool at Grillby's, quickly relaxing before anyone but Grill himself notices. Sans exaggerates a yawn to appease him as he freaks out on the inside.

~~"finally." he thinks.~~

"M-" They erase the letter, friction making him groan quietly.

_"I W A N T S E X."_

Sans suppresses most of the anticipating shivers and waits for more info.

"I F-" Another erase; Sans let's his head hit the bar top quietly. 

_"C A N Y O U G L O W B R I G H T E R A T W I L L?"_

"what delicate fingers." Sans dazedly thinks, sending a pulse of magic to hopefully answer the question.

"..." 

_"G O O D."_

Oh that lick was positively unfair. His shorts wouldn't give him away but his cheeks might. 

_"D O Y O U W A N T S E X? B R I G H T E R 4 **Y E S.** " _

His common sense argued about stranger danger but Sans wasn't one to listen to his own common sense. No, he was an idiot. He sends them an excitable pulse.

His member vibrates with a giggle from them.

_"C U T E."_

He's suddenly in their mouth.

Sans bolts upright again, the heat sucking at him making him shudder and leaving his face flushed. He sends a slightly concerned Grillby a quick goodbye along with everyone else and drunkenly, despite having had only two drinks, strolls out into the snow, teleporting to his room as soon as he's out of sight. 

* 

Blue moans at heat spiking almost as soon it enters his mouth, sucking at his new toy as he uses his other hand to play with his ischium and sacrum, magic already gathering rapidly.

He swirls his formed tongue and sucks away, moaning louder as the member extends and expands to it's full length, filling his skull to the point that he's almost gagging ~~but it feels so good~~.

He'd underestimated his size. 

He lies back against the cushions and pushes the dick deeper and jolts in shock when it starts to push in on its own, despite his hand not moving. It moves faster and deeper, pushing past his gag reflex and straight up fucking his mouth. 

Blue goes lax and allows this, forming a throat as a happy bonus. The dick takes to this well and pounds into his throat as Blue drools, fuzzy eyelights rolling up as his throat is mercilessly drilled into. 

* 

Sans would normally feel humiliated at humping a pillow but then his cutie had shoved him down their tight throat. He growls as his hips bounce on the fabric. He wonders if his little slut was actually cute as he happily turns their throat into his new personal cubby hole. So _giving_ they were.

He grins wide and maniacal as he shuts his eyes, imagining shadows touching themselves as a cock reached climax in their depths of their throat. Which he soon does, spurting their mouth and being hit with another pleasant surprise when they shove him back into their throat and obediently swallow every drop of his cum. 

What a good _tight_ slut. 

*  
Blue pants heavily once the cock pops out of his mouth. He didn't know what had possessed him to swallow everything but he was enjoying the tingling feeling of the other's magic processing into him. 

The sheets beneath his tailbone are damp with magic residue and the swirling light blue of his magic has encased his entire pelvic area but hasn't formed anything. An impatient flash of light from his partner in crime gives him an idea as well making him giggle. 

His gives a kiss and whispers to them; "I'll Let You Decide." 

He places them on the swirling heat.

*

The moment Sans feels the heat of the unformed organ he growls so deeply his whole body rattles.

He **knew** what he **wanted**.

* 

Blue mewls at the sheer force of the **intent** behind the cock, his weeping pussy forming with a snap so harsh he's left shaking in a half orgasm. 

*

Sans, after connecting the dots, realises what happened and hums in a satisfaction that doesn't last for too long. He rubs at their absolutely drenched lips as he waits for the go ahead.   
He was going to leave them _limping_ so he could find them again. 

* 

Blue pulls himself together just enough to line up the ocean blue cock up and starts slowly pushing it into his sky blue pussy, making sure to keep a tight hold on the member. 

He wasn't too sure on what would happen if they shoved into him like they did his throat but something tells him he probably couldn't have handled it. 

The stretch already has him mewling again.

*

Sans moans at the tightness that slowly opens up to welcome him, aching to shove his hips in but alert enough to not push at the hand holding him.

The poor thing would probably die of overstimulation if he did...

Once he's inside them proper they won't want him to stop. _He'll make sure of it._

*

Blue sighs as the last few inches of dark blue disappear inside him, leaving the ball in their court as he adjusts to their girth. 

They pick it up with the first full thrust of this round, pulling out to the head before slamming back in with the force of a strong body behind it.

 _"YES!"_ Blue shouts out, tightening and shivering beneath them. 

*

Sans sensually rams his tight new friend multiple times, somehow sure that they are mewling in appreciation before he picks up the pace, his bed creaking with his efforts.

Surprisingly, or perhaps not so much, he feels the tightening tells of a peak from them and alternate his pace so as to not bring them to that too fast. 

How many times was he going to make them hit the peak? 

At least three he decides, chuckling at the impatient wiggles around him.

* 

Blue moans when they finally pick up their pace again, jack hammering his throbbing hole and bringing him to orgasm terrifyingly fast.

He openly screams, grabbing a hold of one of his pillows and hugs it tightly as they _Just Keep **Going**._

His mind stops existing as he moans and cries, legs held wide open to account for the boiling core that was his pounded pussy.

He was going to cum again. 

*

Sans was about to cum and so were they. Peak number two had to hit deep so number three could hit even deeper. He speeds up, groaning at them tightening around him. 

"Such a _lovely_ slut. Practically _begging_ for my cum."

He's losing it, talking even though he knows they can't hear him. He's definitely been hanging around with Red for too long. 

" _Cum_ on, _take it."_

He pushes at their button and ejaculates as they spasm with a full body orgasm and the telltale vibrations of a pleasured scream.

*

 _"Yes! YES! YES!_ **YEESS!** _**THANK YOU!** **PLEASE YESS!"**_

Blue yells as his body shakes with the pumping heat inside him. It's so hot it _burns_ and he _loves_ it. He was their little hole; a bucket for their tap. 

His eyelights are fuzzy blue hearts as they both climb down the peak, his limbs going lax as they half pull out only to flinch as they shove back in.

_**"AH!?!"** _

_They Want To Keep Going!?_

The thought is soon lost in the pleasure that builds up even faster than before, Blue's moans and shifting of sheets being the only sounds in the dark room.

*

Sans chuckles at the obvious clenching in surprise and keeps up his merciless pace. They readjust to suck at him so quickly; so _sweetly_. Oh, he _had_ to find this slut after they were done.

He bounces against the inner button that makes them clench and thrusts past the invisible wall that makes them clench even harder. 

He imagines a shocked face and eyes rolling back as that wall is pushed past and a whole new depth is opened up for violation and exploration. Another trick he'd learnt from Red.

The guy knew too damn much. 

* 

Blue _screams_ as the cock reaches a depth no one has ever reached before and keeps rocking him. He wishes they were here so he could cling to them and beg for release as their cock opened up doors he didn't even know he had. 

He was careening towards his next peak with the speed of a train rushing downhill with broken brakes. His mind _felt_ broken. His eyelights flip into soul shapes as he begins to beg profusely to ears that can't hear him.

*

They had become so tight Sans was unsure how he could even move. He would also be finished after this so he wanted to make it count. 

He keeps pounding and holds back his cum until he feels them start to shatter. He then shoves in as deep as possibly can ejaculating in an almost jet like fashion against their tensed walls.

* 

Blue vision goes white as he screams so loud that its possible to hear him from immediately outside the house. The only things on his limited mental function however are " **YES** " and " _THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!_ " as he spasms beneath them. 

*** 

A few days pass and Sans is getting really antsy about his missing friends ( ~~both of them~~ ) and he's considering getting Alphys to track it, despite the obvious humiliation aspect. 

Blue pulls him aside to the kitchen when him, Red and Edge visit and hands over a very lovingly dressed brown paper bag, with a blue bow and everything. 

"oh, thanks. what's the-" 

"Open it." 

It's the quietest he's ever heard him. 

Sans warily open the bag and lo and behold, sitting on a bed of silks and soft fabrics, lies his dick. 

Sans balks and looks up. Blue has turned away and is watching his pot of taco mix a little closer than necessary. 

"so it was y-!?" 

Blue brings a finger to his teeth, a shy, vulnerable smile gracing them with trace blues lighting his cheekbones. His eyelights shift to hearts for a moment as he winks and shift back just as the others barge in. 

_"Stretch is going to kill me if he finds out..."_

Sans zaps the bag straight into his inventory and if anyone notices the slight oddness about them they don't mention it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! There were a lot of puns I refrained from deliberately making simply because of how thirsty writing this was making me ;;-w-)  
> Imma be over here drinking some water thx uwu)\\_☆


	2. "OH SHIT" brought to you by Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red signs on the best deal ever  
> Everyone gets caught  
> Food  
> 22nd Jump Street

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If the words "caught" and "22nd Jump Street" haven't clicked... 
> 
> Anyway yeah I wrote this hahahaha  
> Oh this needs more tags now oop-

"dude, just _tell me_ already."

Sans' reply comes out shaky thanks to his shaking shoulders courtesy of a pouty Red. 

"nn no-op."

They had had their fun and Sans had taken his very spicy revenge and now they were cool. But, my friends, there's a problem. A relatively big problem. See with Red you could accidentally spill your deepest, darkest secrets and he'd absorb them like them the void, never to leave his teeth. It's a rather attractive trait to a secret keeper like Sans. 

**However**.

Your _embarrassing_ secrets; your "I drank a sip of vodka and puked into my date's lap" type secrets; your "ate a skittle off a still warm bus seat" type secrets. Those were up for grabs and in the open the second his trap opened again. He wasn't quite the head of the rumour mill back in his old place but let's just say he was the skeleton branch rep. 

And him fucking Blue was both brag worthy and on that goddamn borderline betwixt humiliatingly embarrassing and never tell a soul level and hell to the no to testing that theory. Stretch might just kill him on sight.

"aight then. if I guess wrong I'll give you my pocket while I'm out at work."

Suddenly hell looks appealing. Damn it Red. 

"and then you can tell me who it is."

"nop."

"blank check?" 

_Ah, fuck_. 

"..." 

"you really wanna know that bad?" 

"dude you've been out of it for _days_ and all you've told is that some broad used it and returned it. no deets. nothing. I'm deets _starving_." 

Did he really call Blue a 'broad'. He was so much hotter than a broad. Stars he was tighter too. He'd probably sound even sweeter. Plus it's not like Sans can't take a hint...or a hug...or a wink...Blue's been teasing him. At this point it's getting harder to tell the normal Blue behaviour from the... _tempting_ Blue behaviour. Sans drags a hand over his face to banish the images as he says;

"...fine. but promise you won't tell anyone." 

"my lips are sealed." Said the sharp toothed skeleton with no lips. 

Sans sighed as he realized he'd just signed his own death warrant and Red cackled evilly, in the end the only winner of the conversation.

***  
Spiky tomato- can u feel that?

Tomato addict- yeah. is weird.  
Tomato addict-its   
Tomato addict- it's**

S.t- keep calm and doughnut become the autocockrect  
S.t- let it ded and we become an arc kii 

T.a- omdays xD   
T.a- ur so gd weird   
T.a- annie ways you good? 

S.t- you beth thigh ham  
S.t- *LET'S GOOOOO.jpg* 

T.a-...  
T.a- I'm going to enjoy this >:3 

S.t- 👀💦  
***

Sans grinned as he slipped his fingers out of Red's pocket pussy. He really was going to enjoy this. Red had gone the extra mile to ensure that if he pressed his pelvis area Sans could feel it from his side. Two presses to warn and three to stop. 

Red was sitting pretty at his old sentry job in his Snowdin as sometimes humans and other monster tourist type hooligans liked to slip through and steal snow like this was some neon sand beach or something. Weirdos.   
He jumps when he feels a warm tongue trace his entrance and immediately sets to keeping any of his horny scent in check, forming a loose lil barrier round himself to circulate and contain it. He'd had to get creative after getting caught by Edge a few too many times.   
Tonight was also the Big Family Meetup so he supposed Edge just wanted to say that _"look my bro did a lil extra"_ or something because _why else_ wouldn't they just pass today's shift onto someone else so they can prep for tonight. 

An eager sighs puffs out of his grin as Classic keeps to only the lightest of licks, trailing tantalising shapes with the tiniest kisses to his clit. _Oh it was that kind of day huh?_

Sans chuckles at the inviting opening and squeezing of the slit he held to his teeth, ignoring it. Red had obviously figured what kind of check he'd signed but it was too late. Besides Classic had some rather mean plans in mind.

He keeps on licking and lightly sucking like Red's pussy was a particularly cold, red ice lolly. And as Red gets hotter, slowly but surely he intensifies his work, lingering, letting his tongue slip inside for split seconds and even occasionally but very gently biting and twisting the extremely sensitive nub, knowing it would be almost painful. 

Red groans and his claws scratch a new groove under the desk. Were Classic here he'd be begging him already because please he just can't take edging(hah) and teasing. But it felt good and this is what he gets for signing papers he didn't bother to read. 

Sans finally adds his fingers again and things get drippy real fast, the ice lolly at the stage of melting everywhere and falling apart because he took too long to eat it. He attacks Red with scissoring digits and a magic extended tongue and hums as the excited pussy begins to twitch in warning.

"Fuck yeah." Red hisses to open air, the only signs of his arousal being his larger than normal eyelights and the tiniest flush of his cheekbones. Under the counter the wooden boards gain several more rows of gouging as he fights to not bounce on the tongue inside him ~~ _, like a good boy_~~. Classic unceremoniously shoves him over the edge(hah) with another bite to his clit and some expert fingers pressing his g spot. Red hides the knee buckling orgasm in a yawn and the arch of his back in a stretch. 

Sans returns to lightly sucking and licking and almost completely stops, plan in motion.   
Red, though tired from the pleasure, especially since he had to hide it, whines soundlessly and grinds his hips on the chair, annoyed at the sudden slow.   
Sans' grin grows around the impatient grind but once again he ignores it. In fact his touch downgrades to feather light as he waits.   
Red grumbles and rests his head on his arms for just a second. He falls asleep.   
Sans grin grows some more. While some somno would be great right now he simply slips his middle finger inside and waits, in the meantime summoning his dick and slicking up with Red's juices. 

Red finds his consciousness returning rapidly for some reason and blinks in the bright Snowdin light. 

"SAAAAAANS."

Shit, there's the reason. He fights his grogginess and manages to get his skull upright and resting on raised arms. 

"Hey boss, what'sup?" 

"DO NOT SUP ME BROTHER! I HAVE COME TO MAKE SURE YOU AREN'T SLEEPING AGAIN."

"oh come on a lil nap never hurt nobody." 

"YES IT DOES." 

"how?" 

Red could think of how. 

"IT LEAVES YOU EVEN MORE TIRED." 

It wasn't that. 

"fair." 

"...NOW THAT I'VE MADE SURE YOU AREN'T SLACKING (AGAIN) I WILL LEAVE YOU TO IT."

"leaf me?" 

"YES I- What?" 

Red waves a crispy leaf he had saved in his inventory for such an occasion. 

"OOOH- _BOTHER!_ " 

He cackles as Edge turns and stomps away, proceeding to choke on it when a cock rams him almost painfully full. Edge turns back to squint at him suspiciously as he coughs before leaving completely. Red traces the 'words'-

U R A PEA S OF SHI

-into his pelvic cavity and Classic just replies with another deep thrust, making him bite on a groan. 

Sans laughs at the message and simply continues to slowly fuck Red; deep, steady thrusts at an almost leisurely pace. He doesn't keep it up for long thankfully- pumping into Red's pocket roughly and rubbing his clit frequently. 

Red trembles as his claws add more decoration to the underside of the counter; his head stuck to the table as Classic, helpful as ever, reroutes his energy to getting pounded. The orgasm this time blinds him and leaves him panting against the wood.

Classic slows again and Red falls asleep _again_ despite trying his very best to resist. He wakes to the sound of crunching footsteps. Dammit Classic. Edge yells at him thoroughly and Red barely manages to listen, Classic sliding in and out of him in an almost soothing rhythm. 

Red feels like the this is fine meme up until Edge, mid rant, suddenly stops and squints at him. Red, sweat beading his brow, checks and double checks the size of his 'horny barrier' and shrinks it.

"HANDS UP!"

"wha?"

"NOW. HANDS. **UP!** " 

After a panicked double tap to the affected area Red complies. 

"is this a stick up bro? cuz you know I'm broke af" 

Edge ignores him and leans right into his space, Red reflexively pulling away before his eyes flick off when Edge sniffs him. At that range...

"...I Can Understand That This Job May Be Boring But I Would Suggest Keeping The More Salacious Time Wasters Out Of It Yes?"

Red hunches into his hoodie and nods, skull flushed and sweaty. 

"Good. I Can Admit To Being Tempted To Just Head Off Into the Dark Trees Once Or Twice...Just For A Little While...When Thoughts Of Certain...Friends Became Heated Instead Of Friendly...Not That Anyone Will Believe You Of Course. Just Don't Go Too Far Brother. It's A Slippery Slope." 

Red stares up in shock at the very wicked grin on his brother's face. Edge leaves after that and Red numbly opens his phone to Classic's texts. 

***  
T.a- wut happened?   
T.a- everything ok still?  
T.a- shud we stop? 

S.p- we got fkn caught.  
S.p- by my bro

T.a- shit

S.p- n don't you dare stop he's gone now

T.a- u sure?

S.p- yup. think he thinks I was wanking a fat one 

T.a- LOL 

S.p- Also- **Asshole!** you got me to sleep so he'd catch me!

T.a- dude, its not my fault you snooze on duty

S.p- yes it literally is. also you fkn no how it is 

~~(he did)~~  
T.a- lol fair   
*** 

Sans uses blue magic to open a nearby drawer and brings himself a few toys, switching on an egg as he restarts his sliding thrusts. He rests the pointy end of the egg on Red's clit, delighting in the jolt and squeeze around him.

Red belatedly regrets leaving any of his pussy's essence on his side because he proceeds to make a mess of his shorts anyway.

***♡♡***

Over in the Swap household the Magnificent Blue has found himself in a bit of a dilemma. He was...frustrated. Not the emotion but rather of the sexual nature. Crazy right? Sweet lil ole baby Blue getting all twitchy down there? Those kinds of thoughts had annoyed Blue back in college. At least he had fun surprising them.

Awhile back Blue had made the regretful decision (that he didn't regret one bit) to take the ecto penis Red (that hooligan) had left behind. Blue had proceeded to have some questionable consensual fun with said ecto. Good fun. Real ~~Fucking~~ Good Fun. Every time he thinks about it his un-formed pussy twitches. He's had to discreetly double check a few times that he hasn't accidentally summoned it. Creampuff noticed and called him out on it. Of course he couldn't exactly admit to having ( ~~the best~~ ) sex with his _brother_ but Cream was just as sharp as he was so it's only a matter of time before he starts guessing. 

Now as for his dilemma: Blue's thirst was at the point of slipping into his normal scent. He'd gotten by by being more physical with Classic when he visited or the opposite. Hugs and cuddles and shoulder taps _(and flirting with his eyes until Classic notices and flushes sweetly, turning away or returns the favor with a smirk that cracked his usually endless patience just a little more)_  
Today was the Big Family Meetup and there were several skeleton monsters with great magic and scent detectors that only seemed to amplify in each other's presence. Perks of being the same monster perhaps? But what that means is G going to call him out infront of everyone and that would be extremely embarrassing and Papy- Stretch may not take well to the news because Classic would get called out immediately after. _(Since he would've smelt Blue's arousal from the many hugs-that-last-a-few-seconds-too-long with nuzzling inbetween because Blue is **boiling.** ) _

With Stretch out at Muffet's to get the desserts the house would be empty for a few hours meaning Blue can relieve himself.   
But- What if, in doing so, he worsens himself and his scent gets even stronger when Classic arrives, his body unsatisfied by his lonesome and taking matters into it's own hands, so to speak. 

Blue stares at his hands before shaking himself out of that thought loop. He was The Magnificent Blue! Skilled in many things! Including Bed Manner! He could surely satisfy himself. He puffs himself up with that confidence as he shuts his bedroom door and clambers onto his bed. 

Out of an odd combination of lack of interest and a pinch of paranoia Blue unfortunately didn't have anything in the way of toys and tools of the adult nature(aside from lubrication which he ironically didn't need very much) but he was as resourceful as he was magnificent! Extensive research had been his friend for many an odd time. 

One folded and carefully positioned pillow later and Blue was ready. He hadn't been using his pussy much prior to him and Classic's...hookup? He hadn't had such a seemingly casual hookup in such a long time....If Classic were here...

_"need some help lil Blue?" Said the imaginary Classic between his legs._

_"Of Course I Do You Silly Skeleton." Blue replies, already a little winded as his pelvis starts to heat up and glow._

_"im not silly, im Sans."_

_"And So Am I. Get To Work." Blue says with an impatient grind against the other Sans' teeth, a chuckle making Blue shiver._

_"sure thing sansy~♡" Classic teases, the warm breath from his teeth opening making Blue shiver again._

_His next buck is held fast by patient hands on his femurs as Classic licks a long stripe along him, a high pitched whine coming from Blue. Classic take the hint and gets to work. Blue's moans get louder much faster than he anticipated but he's in no state to complain, Classic's fingers knuckle deep along with his tongue that only slipped out to circle and/or press against his clit. Somehow also whispering filthy praises into his skull._

_At some point he'd summoned his thighs but a few squeezes and a tongue against his g spot and he forgets all about it, grinding as fast as Classic will allow; initially moaning his name before switching to their mutual name._

_"you sweet lil narcissist." Sans hisses to him and all Blue has to offer is a wordless moan._

_"Sans, SANS, PLEASE, OH-"_

_Blue is very loud at this point, forgetting everything as his climax rises fast. His name chants meld into high pitched noises as he careens towards the edge-_

**BANG**

Blue has never tucked himself in so fast; pillow behind him and sheets already covering him as he let's out a surprised shriek at his furious brother in the doorway. The brothers are silent for a few moments but before Blue's surprise can descend into embarrassed fury Stretch asks a question.

"Why were you calling out 'sans'?" 

Blue's teeth open and shut with a soft click. He watches as his brother comes to all the wrong conclusions ( ~~and some of the right ones~~ ) and his frown deepens from fury to rage. 

_"I'm gonna kill 'im"_

"PAPY WAIT-" 

Stretch was already gone. 

***♡♡***

The meetup dinner fast approaches, the only thing Blue manages to get out of his brother is the reason he came back so soon; he'd forgotten the money to pay Muffet. Yup. You heard right. Blue got caught because Stretch, a monster with his own storage subspace, forgot his wallet. Ugh.   
The Magnificent Blue could only welcome their guests with a ~~stress~~ cleaned kitchen and plush seats with ingredients ready to cook and his usual brilliant smile. Classic, Red, Creampuff and Edge arrive together, the taller brothers leading. Blue enthusiastically hugs and welcomes them whilst trying to peek around to see the shorter brothers. 

_Classic is rather soft looking in the light for someone who had been so delightfully rough._ Him and Red seem to be having a hushed conversation with Red looking a little peeved, not that he usually doesn't. Going by the fact that Red simply sends him his usual raised brow and casual greeting Classic hasn't spilled the beans. Surprising, considering this whole hot mess was his fault to a degree. Blue appreciates the decency and rather regrets not warning Classic of Stretch's knowledge but there should be time to discretely warn him right? 

Red dodges his hug attempt; typical. 

Classic takes it like the gentleman he is. Unfortunately this allows Blue to indulge in a rather cheeky little snuggle and nuzzle into the other's neck vertebrae with a sensual purr at his scent. Classic locks up for a moment before Blue pulls away, both their cheekbones barely dusted. Red squints at them but the ever ready Blue is already distracting him with another hug attempt that has them running into the house, Blue cackling and Red not-quite-swearing. 

Once G has done him the favour of catching and noogie-ing the ever slippery eel that is Red Blue takes a moment to take stock of his guests. 

Tale (Classic and Creampuff)  
Fell (Red and Edge)  
Swapfell (Razz and Mutt)  
Goldfell (Wine and Coffee)  
Data ( G and Green)   
Lust (Sugar and Spice)  
Dance (Dance and Tango)

Wait, Lust? Oh dear. Blue had forgotten all about the Lust brothers! oh dear... Blue can only grin at Sugar's questioning head tilt before ushering the cooks into the kitchen. For who better to sense lust than those from a world full of it. Was Creampuff looking at him strangely just now? No, he was probably just getting paranoid. 

The great news is the cooking goes without a hitch, the partially sliced pasta sheets cooking beautifully with the layered spiced meat and cheese sauce. A lasagne made with homemade pasta sheets sliced like a pie crust in order to allow each layer of well cooked and spiced meat to infuse and meld together. As they finish appreciative catcalls and groans come from the living room followed by shushing and chastising from the cooks.

Blue has a flash of inspiration and suggests that they personalise their brother's portions. After a quick debate the portions got dished out to be designed like so: 

Puff= G Sugar Mutt  
Edge= Red Dance Wine   
Razz= Green Tango Stretch  
Blue= Classic Spice Coffee

Everyone, except Creampuff who finishes first, saves their hardest for last. Edge most likely trying to impress Wine; Razz figuring out Green and Blue sneaking a heavy dash of intent into the honestly quite beautiful line designs of ketchup. The boys are pretty much speechless when the Five Star restaurant food is placed in front of them at the table. Soon the room is filled with either the groans from the skeletons taking their first bite or the clink of plates landing on the table as more take their seats. 

Blue tries not to watch too closely when Classic takes his first bite but can't help how his eyelights spin into stars at the sweet, sweet, _sweet_ sound Classic makes. The stars grow bigger and brighter when Classic's sockets open and there are heart shapes visible for a blink's worth of time. 

Unfortunately as this is happening Sugar passes behind Classic and turns sharply in his direction. Blue promptly shuts his sockets to show that he's enjoying his mouthful of delicious laspatacpiegna (lasagne, pasta(uncut spaghetti), taco meat, pie style).

Sans vaguely wonders if there's such a thing as spontaneous food porn and if he's starring in one. The lasagne is really delicious anyway but somehow Blue (and he's sure it's Blue) managed to drape the ketchup in such a way that literally every bite has a bit of the sweet tangy taste and the intent? Stars, its like every swallow Blue is kissing all his bones at once. He hides the worst of it in over indulgent noises like Red and has to consciously avoid forming his throat just to prolong the sensation. 

Blue happily eats his meal, knowing his lil bit of ketchup (actually of the homemade variety) is doing good work. Was Wine looking at him oddly? Oh, he just wanted the pepper.

In the end there's no time to non suspiciously pull Classic away to warn him as once the meal is finished ( _and he delights in the fact that Classic finishes last, having watched him savour the meal a bite at a time instead of gobble it down_ ) him and Creampuff pull the short straws to wash the dishes. Though something in Puff's smile makes him nervous.

As they're scrubbing the plate a loud voice comes from upstairs.

**"OH SHIT!"**

***  
Once a short while has passed after Blue and Creampuff headed to the kitchen Stretch taps the shoulders of Classic and Red.

"Red, Classic? My room, now." 

And ports directly into his room, two beanbag chairs sat before the bed ready for them to land in.

"The fuck?" From Red 

"What's up?" From Classic 

" **THIS** \- is what the _**fuck**_ is up."

Stretch lifts and turns face forward a cute picture of Blue posing in his battle outfit.   
Classic, panicking a little, begins to sweat and Red just looks confused. 

"What's up with Blue? Something wrong?" Red asks.

Stretch ignores him, all his focus quickly taken by glaring down at a shrinking Classic who is burying himself into his hoodie. The gears turn as Red looks between them, the confusion clearing to shock then shifting to pure glee as the answer to his check gets cashed. 

**"OH SHIT!"**

He ignores the chorus of "LANGUAGE" from downstairs.

" **OH SHIT!!!** _HAHAHAHAHAa!_ Aaaa _Shit_! NO! _NO!_ _HOW IS THIS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!?!_ HAHAAA!!" 

Red roars with laughter as he walks out of the room, leaving the door open and skips down the stairs. 

_**"CLASSIC FUCKED STRETCH'S BROTHER HOLY SHIT!"** _

Blue drops the plate he was scrubbing as his skull quickly flushes his namesake. He can feel Creampuff's stare as he struggles for words.   
Red rushes in after a second.

"PUFF! DUDE! BLUE FUCKED YOUR BRO!" 

Blue doesn't think he can flush any brighter as he looks up to reprimand Red and what he sees shocks him back into open jawed silence. Creampuff has a grin similar to Red's and is holding his hands up. Red takes a running jump to clap them with a resounding high ten before he runs back out. Blue is practically a light bulb at this point.

"AYY HE'S FUCKING STRETCH'S BROTHER!!! _OH MY FUCK!"_

Red parades like an evil, cackling, high fiving frenzy of activity. G, Mutt, Sugar and surprisingly Wine accepting loud high tens much to the amusement or displeasure of the others. 

"Every time he says that shit? That's another blaster up your coccyx." Stretch growls as Sans tries to melt into his hoodie. 

Red ports to the door, still laughing.

"CLASS- YOU CLEARLY- HAHAA THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER- HAHAHA HAA!"

Red parades on the landing, loudly chanting as Classic wishes he had a dt vial on hand to actually melt away.

_"CLASSIC FUCKED STRE-TCH'S BROTHER~_   
_CLASSIC FUCKED STRE-TCH'S BROTHER~"_

Red staggers backs into the room, struggling to breathe and clinging to Classic.

"SHIT! you fuc kd Stretch's brother. Stretch! He- I can't _believ-"_

Stretch summons a small bone and places it on his lap.

"yeah, it actually isn't that funny."

***   
One long and threatening conversation and painful noogie to both their skulls and Sans has to do the short walk of shame downstairs to some raised brows, amused grins or neutral ignoring by whole gang. He recieves a text halfway down that he's grateful to distract himself with. 

Blue Bombshell: "Can I kiss you in front of everyone?" 

His brow flies as he easily responds with a "sure." and sure enough when he gets to the bottom stair and starts heading towards a couch Blue marches out from the kitchen and straight towards him, a determined expression on his face. Sans is braced for it but is still almost knocked off his feet by the force of it.   
A second into the kiss has healing magic seeping into his skull to soothe the ache and hum softly inside his head. His knees feel weak by the time he's noticed the tongue in his mouth and he's already close to making weird noises. It's getting harder to tell who got fucked by whom when they hooked up. 

And just like that it ends with Blue's hand sliding off his waist as he pulls away with a question about water to which he just nods and only staggers slightly on the rest of the way to the couch. G, the Lusts and Red are positively delighted while the rest look very amused. Sans shivers with Stretch's glare and simply pulls his hoodie up as he glows the darkest of blues and attempts to melt into the cushions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My other fics are making good progress but this just ended up way longer than I thought XD  
> And yes this happened because I thought "what if they got found out?" then suddenly Red was Channing. I hope this made you laugh XD
> 
> Red has broken his auto correct XD  
> let it ded and we become an arc kii (let it die and give in to the anarchy)  
> U R A PEA S OF SHI (you are a piece of shit)


End file.
